Ground O'Fence-Ive

Haven't you always wanted the house with the white picket fence around it? Well, we got close. Kind of.

We finally got tired of misguided people trespassing across our back yard. That, and we got a grand-dog. So we built a fence to keep them out and in, respectively.

Living next door to a popular bed & breakfast inn, we occasionally get people knocking on our front door, suitcases in hand, eagerly looking to check in. "Sorry, wrong house. You want the place next door. The yellow one. The one with the big sign that says 'Bed & Breakfast Inn' and 'Vacancy' right in the front yard." It gets old after a while.

One person even argued with me. "You should have a sign that says, 'private residence'" she huffed.

"First of all, I do. You walked right past it on your way here. Secondly, why should I? Do you have a sign on your house that says, 'this is not my neighbor's house?'"

Over the winter we installed a pair of security cameras to oversee the backyard and promptly caught a handful of confused tourists. It was the same scene every time: They'd confidently walk up our front or back steps; they'd get about halfway into the yard; then they'd stop, look around; realize they were in the wrong place ("this place is a dump!"), and then sheepishly creep out the way they came.

But of course, the cameras don't actually prevent anyone from walking around our house. They only provide entertainment when they do. So we tried discrete signs. That didn't work either because, as we all know, people don't read signs.

So we built the fence. At first, we wanted a white picket fence. Then we considered black wrought iron, which would look a bit more formal and also be more "period correct." We talked to a few companies that make wrought-iron fencing in the right style, but they're expensive! New car expensive. Major vacation expensive. So that idea was off the table.

Instead, we built our own fence out of redwood. We dug the post holes (easy in sandy soil), set the posts, and built the rails, stiles, and panels all from scratch. The only thing we bought were the little round balls that sit atop the fence posts. I would've had to buy a lathe to make them (not that there's anything wrong with that), so buying premade ones seemed a lot easier. We routed some grooves in the posts and rails to add a little bit of style. We made a matching gate, too, and put a little latch on it.

Voila! New fence. And it's dog-tested, so mission accomplished there. However, we didn't lock the new gate, so just a few days ago we got another pair of hopeful B&B guests traipsing up the steps, through the new gate, and into the backyard before they turned around the realized their mistake. So now the gate is locked. Stupid tourists.

Dove Story

It's springtime. Time when a young bird's thoughts turn to... other birds.

We had a pair of doves (okay,  pigeons) build a nest on our upstairs balcony. This is a first. As far as well can tell, birds have never nested there before. Our first tip-off was all the, uh, guano on our front porch. Looking up, we saw a pair of birds perched on the upstairs railing. Day after day, there they were.

They accumulated sticks and started building a nest on the balcony. They were right outside an upstairs window, so it was easy to watch them and follow their progress. It seemed like a messy, haphazard nest, but what do we know? Maybe it was their first time.

After awhile, one of the birds -- the female? -- seemed to get fatter. And then she wasn't again. And, lo, there was a tiny little white egg on our porch!

We kept our distance from the window to avoid disturbing our two lovebirds. We could hear them cooing outside the window, and they'd sometimes fly away for an hour or two, probably to find something to eat.

Then the egg wasn't there. The nest was all disturbed, and the birds were gone. It couldn't have hatched after only one or two days, could it? But what else could have happened?

I think we kind of hoped that maybe the birds had just upgraded to a condo across town with better schools, but the reality seemed much grimmer. Lots of other birds are carnivorous, and they need to eat, too.

Tho' Nature, red in tooth and claw
With ravine, shriek'd against his creed...

I stretch lame hands of faith, and grope,

And gather dust and chaff, and call

To what I feel is lord of all,

And faintly trust the larger hope.  -- Tennyson