Cardboard Holds No Fear For Me

"Unboxing" is one of those weird modern fads that you can blame on the Internet. People videotape themselves opening a new gadget right out of the box. A new computer, a new cell phone, a new toy -- whatever. Then they post the video online for everyone to watch. It's apparently very popular. It's also pretty weird.

Kathy and I are becoming experts at unboxing. We've bought so much stuff for the restaurant that the UPS and FedEx drivers literally bump into each other on the porch. Both trucks will be idling out front as one driver brings a box up the steps while the other one heads back down. I half-expect one driver to hand the other a Pepsi.

But after we unbox all of our nice new dishes, or glassware, or mixing bowls, or whatever, we've got the cardboard boxes to dispose of. Normally, that isn't a problem. You flatten the box and put it out with the trash and other recyclables once a week. But now we've got so much cardboard that we're running out of places to put it all. We've piled up boxes outside until they start to tip over. We've got boxes on top of boxes. We've got a new pile started in the dining room, and another pile in the kitchen by the back door. We don't even flatten them any more; there's no time.

I have to admit, the six-year-old part of me looked at some of the boxes and thought, "Ooh, that would be fun to play in! And that one would make a great fort!" We may have considered keeping some of boxes for our infant granddaughter to play in. "Hey, in three years she'll love this one!" But that would have meant storing it somewhere.

And then there's the Styrofoam and the bubble wrap. Sure, popping the bubbles is fun for a while, but when you're looking at hundreds of feet of the stuff its charm begins to pale.

I made the mistake of putting a box of Styrofoam peanuts outside. Next morning, the little white things were all over the yard, underneath plants, and stuck under the stairs. They get everywhere, and they're not easy to chase down. Stupid peanuts.

Fortunately, last Monday was our once-a-year special "all you can eat" garbage day. The trash haulers allow you to put out a nearly unlimited quantity of almost anything you want. It's a great time to dispose of accumulated extra trash, and it couldn't have come at a better time. Kathy and I spent quality time together in the backyard slashing open boxes, flattening cardboard, corralling foam into trash bags, and generally disposing of the detritus of a new venture. We mastered our trash monster. But next time, I think we're going to burn it all. And post the video.