Chill, Dude

At the same time the mega-range got delivered, its more sedate sibling came in the mail, too. We ordered a True model TWT-76 six-foot-long countertop refrigerator. It's basically a normal fridge lying on its side, with a stainless worktop across the top. That gives us some much-needed counter space as well a refrigerated storage.

As big as it is, the fridge was a whole lot easier to deliver than the range. It's awkward, but not nearly as heavy.

Both pieces almost didn't make it into the house. The delivery guys were that close to taking them back. When I ordered the appliances, I made sure to clarify the delivery options. "You guys will bring them all the way into the house, right? Okay, we've got a deal."

Appliance makers are no dummies. They know their gear has to fit through doorways when it's delivered to a restaurant. But they're thinking of wide, ADA-approved doors, not odd Victorian-era doors. They told me they could deliver the range and refrigerator if I could guarantee them a 31-inch-wide opening.

I measured our downstairs kitchen, and we had a 28-inch door, a 29-inch door, and a 31-inch door. Bingo! We're in business.

You would think. They also stipulated no stairs. Ramps are okay, but no steps of any kind. Fair enough; they're hauling an 890-pound range. I wouldn't want to take that upstairs, either. The ramp Kathy and I made last summer took care of most of the elevation, and a makeshift ramp I made out of plywood took care of the rest. Now we're in business, right?

Maybe. They got the range down off the truck okay, and we threw blankets over it to ward off scratches as the three of us pushed and pulled it up the ramp from the sidewalk into the backyard. Then we turned the beast 90 degrees -- in the sand -- and aimed it up the plywood ramp and toward the promised 31" back door.

The range got about four inches into the doorway and got stuck like Winnie the Pooh. We took the knobs off the front, but that didn't help. We took screws off the back, but it was still too tight. We took the blanket off, because the fraction of an inch that it added made a difference. I removed the weatherstripping from the door frame. I  countersunk nails. Finally, we tightened some bolts on the back of the range, and that little 1/32 of an inch adjustment allowed us to just barely squeeze through, scratching the paint off the door all the way. When these guys say they need 31 inches, they don't mean 30.999. They want it down to the molecule.

That got the range in. Now it's time for the fridge. It's lighter but a foot longer, and that presented its own problems. You see, the back way into the kitchen is through two doors, not just one. They're both 31" wide (just), but they're not aligned with one another. There's a slight jog as you move from one door to the other. It's barely noticeable when you're walking, but when you're moving a six-foot appliance...

We got the fridge through the first door okay, but then it wouldn't go through the second door. We couldn't angle it over to the other door because it was exactly as wide as the first doorway, forcing it straight ahead. (Stand around and look confused for a while.) Finally, one of the installers gets an idea. "Stand it up on end," he says. We tip it up, walk it though the doorway (which is more than six feet high), then twist it and walk it through the second door. And we're in! Piece of cake.

Now we have both fire and ice. In fact, we've got everything but...