Ground O'Fence-Ive

Haven't you always wanted the house with the white picket fence around it? Well, we got close. Kind of.

We finally got tired of misguided people trespassing across our back yard. That, and we got a grand-dog. So we built a fence to keep them out and in, respectively.

Living next door to a popular bed & breakfast inn, we occasionally get people knocking on our front door, suitcases in hand, eagerly looking to check in. "Sorry, wrong house. You want the place next door. The yellow one. The one with the big sign that says 'Bed & Breakfast Inn' and 'Vacancy' right in the front yard." It gets old after a while.

One person even argued with me. "You should have a sign that says, 'private residence'" she huffed.

"First of all, I do. You walked right past it on your way here. Secondly, why should I? Do you have a sign on your house that says, 'this is not my neighbor's house?'"

Over the winter we installed a pair of security cameras to oversee the backyard and promptly caught a handful of confused tourists. It was the same scene every time: They'd confidently walk up our front or back steps; they'd get about halfway into the yard; then they'd stop, look around; realize they were in the wrong place ("this place is a dump!"), and then sheepishly creep out the way they came.

But of course, the cameras don't actually prevent anyone from walking around our house. They only provide entertainment when they do. So we tried discrete signs. That didn't work either because, as we all know, people don't read signs.

So we built the fence. At first, we wanted a white picket fence. Then we considered black wrought iron, which would look a bit more formal and also be more "period correct." We talked to a few companies that make wrought-iron fencing in the right style, but they're expensive! New car expensive. Major vacation expensive. So that idea was off the table.

Instead, we built our own fence out of redwood. We dug the post holes (easy in sandy soil), set the posts, and built the rails, stiles, and panels all from scratch. The only thing we bought were the little round balls that sit atop the fence posts. I would've had to buy a lathe to make them (not that there's anything wrong with that), so buying premade ones seemed a lot easier. We routed some grooves in the posts and rails to add a little bit of style. We made a matching gate, too, and put a little latch on it.

Voila! New fence. And it's dog-tested, so mission accomplished there. However, we didn't lock the new gate, so just a few days ago we got another pair of hopeful B&B guests traipsing up the steps, through the new gate, and into the backyard before they turned around the realized their mistake. So now the gate is locked. Stupid tourists.