How Do You Trap a Zoid?

How well do you remember your high school geometry? Remember the difference between a rectangle, a rhombus, a parallelogram, and a trapezoid?

I do. Well, now I do. Cutting the bead board for the ceiling and walls in this room is an exercise in geometry. I mean, literally, an exercise: Problem 12: If the two long sides of a quadrilateral measure 28.25 inches and 29.75 inches, and the short sides are 14 inches and 14.75 inches, what is the area of the trapezoid?

Extra credit: Correctly identify all four angles. 

Real-world implementation: Now cut a piece of bead board to exactly those dimensions, haul it up three flights of stairs, and nail the sucker between the studs which are -- of course -- not parallel. The new nail gun helps with that last step and paid for itself in no time, but it still doesn't cut the material for you.

Here's the kicker: because bead board has vertical lines in it, I have to cut each piece to make the lines appear vertical when it's installed. In other words, you can't just leave one edge straight and cut the other edge to fit the space. No, indeedy. Odds are, the lines will tilt slightly to one side when you install it. No, friends, you have to cut all four sides of every single piece at a funny angle so that the bead board looks like it's installed straight upright. Not as easy as it sounds, lemme tell you. Kathy must have wondered why it was taking me so freakin' long to measure a simple rectangle. Make that trapezoid.